Three Ways to Perk the F*** Up: Healing depression and anxiety.

You’re sitting there, wondering why you feel anxious most of the time, and why the empty feeling won’t go away. Why is it here? Why can’t you just get rid of it? And why now?

Everything seems pretty good on the surface—friends, a home, a life, a decent job (though you’re wondering if it’s the right job for you). The money’s good, at least. But do you really have friends who care? Why can’t you just be happy?

If you’re being completely honest, these feelings have come and gone throughout your life. It’s that deep sadness that hovers on the edge of something vast—a nothingness you fear might engulf you.

Turning towards this nothingness doesn’t seem like an option. Just the thought of it sends strands of fear through your body, like an electric fence warning you not to climb that fence. So you turn away from this boundless nothingness, because really, you’re fine. You don’t even know why you’re being so dramatic. And how does one even tend to *nothing*? It does your brain in.

But you know, that “nothing” is actually *something*. It’s the embodiment of an absence—an absence of attunement, delight, or loving presence. It expresses what never was.

And who can you talk to about this? It’s hard for people to understand. When you’ve tried, the conversation hasn’t gone well. Maybe you’ve been told to think more positively, not to dwell, or that your negativity is the problem.

Hmm. You get that the advice is well-meaning, or at least some of it is. But it doesn’t touch the vastness of what you’re carrying inside. How do you explain to someone just how strong and intense this feeling is? Maybe it will destroy them. Better to protect them—and yourself. At least, that’s what it feels like.

For this, I am sorry.

I’m also sorry for the times when you’ve been convinced it’s all your fault. That you’re defective in some way. I’m sorry for the times when you’ve thought about letting go of life, imagining a quiet, gentle exit—swimming out to sea, leaving the burden behind.

I’ve been told people like bullet points. They want “Three Ways to Solve Low Mood” or “Five Ways to Perk the F*** Up.” I get it. We’re left-hemisphere driven, and we want quick fixes. 1-2-3, and now everything’s fine! I’m the expert; I’ve given you the solution. Bada bing, bada boom—we both win. I get to feel smart, and you get to feel fixed. At least for a few minutes. But the right hemisphere knows better, and it waits until there is someone to listen.

I could give you a list of three things to reduce anxiety, but you’d crumple it up and throw it in my face. You already know what’s on it: Breathe. Ground yourself. Journal. That “Top 3” list will only send you further into loneliness. If someone could just listen, I mean really hear you.

What I can give you is my presence, my full attention, my connection, and my unwavering non-judgement. I will accompany you to the places you’re afraid to go alone, but only when you’re ready. I’ll never push you, and I’ll wait patiently, letting you check if I’m safe and strong enough to go there with you.

When you do invite me, I’ll take your hand (if you want me to), and together we’ll get to know this vast nothingness. With my gentle, safe presence, you’ll be able to meet “nothing,” and in doing so, it will transform into something—like a black-and-white movie turning into colour. You’ll begin to recover the pieces of your soul that were lost so long ago, that were shattered by the absence of a loving presence. You’ll begin to restore, come alive, and feel again. And, no, this is not a one time fix, we might have to come here again and again. 

It is daring to let me come with you where the healing happens, when you can be seen and held (emotionally held) with loving and non-judgmental presence that your internal world begins to report and heal.

You’ll mourn the loss of time and connections that never were and never will be. It will break your heart, but I’ll be there. You could, of course, continue on without feeling—just close your eyes to your aching heart. Sometimes we have to do that. But it will make itself known again and again until you’re ready to listen. Just because you’re not paying attention doesn’t mean it isn’t there, waiting to come into the light.

But if you want to give it your attention, to shine some light into the darkness, even with quiet determination, let me know.

If you want to know *all* of you, and stop fearing part of you, then reach out.

If you want to restore your heart and recover the pieces of your soul, to live fully and honestly—no longer shielding yourself from life—then I’m your person.

This is not a journey for the faint-hearted. 

It’s the path of a warrior.